Passion. Commitment. Ambition

In the summer of 2006, you would often find me at Friendship Park with Andrew (3 years) and Lia (18 months).

[Friendship Park is in Chelmsford, MA. It’s great because all the equipment is still made of wood and it doesn’t look like any other playground. It’s fun in its uniqueness.]

Andrew was old enough to run around on his own so I followed Lia around the park. She never really needed my help, unless she couldn’t reach something, so I would often chit chat with other Moms, taking my eyes off her for small amounts of time.

On more than one occasion, I’d look up and find another Mom underneath Lia as she was hanging from the monkey bars, ready to catch her.

"She’s okay, she plays here all the time, thank you, but she is really okay."

"Omgosh I just saw this little tiny girl and thought OH NO!"

[At 18 months Lia was 20 pounds]

"I know, she is really small. But this is what she does, she doesn’t want anyone to help."

Passion.



Lia turned 8 years old on February 20, 2013. One month before her birthday, she was invited to one of her good friend’s birthday party. It was a pizza and ice cream party on a Friday afternoon right after school, until 5:30.

"Tomorrow is Lindsey’s party, are you excited?"

"Wait – I’M GOING? I can go?"

"Of course, why wouldn’t you be able to go?"

"Because I have gymnastics!"

[Lia is a Level 4 gymnast on the All Star competitive gymnastics team in Chelmsford, MA. She is at the gym every Friday evening from 4:00 – 7:30]

"Oh honey, I know gymnastics is important but you’re 8 years old. You need to go to your friends’ birthday parties!"

Lia went to the birthday party and had a great time! When I picked her up, she asked me if gymnastics was over yet and how much time was left.

"There is an hour-and-a-half left. But you already told them you weren’t coming so it’s okay if you want to just go home."

"No, I want to go. When we get home, just wait in the car and I’ll run up in my room and put on my leotard."

Commitment.



I was laid off for two months during the summer of 2012. A happy side-effect of the lay-off was that I got to watch a lot of the London Summer Olympics. Of course, gymnastics was the most anticipated sport in our house and through the magic of DVR technology, we didn’t miss a single minute.

"Mom, don’t forget to record the Olympics. I wish it wasn’t on so late!"

"I know, I won’t forget. We haven’ t forgotten yet, have we?"

"But I really want to watch it as soon as I wake up tomorrow."

"I know, don’t worry. We’ll record it!"

"I want to be in the Olympics someday, Mom, just like Jordan Wieber."

Will her “someday” at the Olympics ever come? It doesn’t really matter because I’m just thrilled she is daring to dream that big. She feels like she can do anything.

[How many of us would give anything to feel that for a single day?]

She watches the Olympics and thinks: I can do that. And she feels that way all the time, about almost everything.

Ambition.

Heeyyy, Macarena! Now Go To Sleep

Of all the things I under-appreciated in my youth, SLEEP trumps them all.

If you’re a parent, you read the first line of this blog and nodded your head so violently in agreement, you may have given yourself whiplash.

When Jamie and I decided to start a family, we knew, of course, that meant diapers, Cheerios, and sleepless nights. But (and here’s what no parenting book ever tells you), what we didn’t know is that the sleepless nights thing? The thing everyone told us only lasts the first few months of a baby’s life? Yeah, that doesn’t really ever go away.

Because once they stop waking up to eat every 2 hours during the night, they start coming up with an endless portfolio of other reasons to get up, or, as they get older, not to go to bed in the first !#@$#%$^ place.

We’ve all read the blogs, the stories, the books detailing the nightmare that is bed time. I wanted to share my inner dialogue, and often times my out-loud dialogue, around my least favorite part of the day.

To set the stage: Mason is 3 years old. Lia is 8 years old. Andrew is 10 years old. You ready? Here we go.

7:32 p.m.

“Mason, it’s time to get ready for bed. Let’s go brush your teeth and read books.”
(runs away while screaming): “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I no want go bed! I play monsta with An-rew! RAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH”

“Mason, I’m going to count to 5 and if you don’t come here by the time I’m finished, Daddy’s going to put you to bed.”

[Worthless threat #1. I can’t believe I have to threaten this kid every single night to get him to go to bed. Worse, I can’t believe that stay-at-home-Daddy IS the threat… oh how the mighty have fallen] “1… 2…. 3….”

8:03 p.m.

[I can’t believe we are still brushing his teeth.]

“Momma, you sing the meatball song? You lay with me?”

“Of course, Mason. Don’t we sing the meatball song every night?”

[Seriously, every.single.night. But hey, if doing the Macarena every night would make him go to sleep, I’d do it happily.]

“On top of spaaahghettttiiiii…”

8:17 p.m.

“Alright Daddy, your turn to sing.”

[Oh, you thought he only needed 1 song to go to sleep? Ha! Amateur. He needs the meatball song – sung by Mommy and only Mommy – AND Sweet Baby James sung by Daddy and only Daddy. Why do we give in to this every night? See previous comment about the Macarena]

8:18 p.m.

“Andrew, Lia, time to go upstairs and brush your teeth, put on jammies and read.”

“READ! I don’t want to read! Reading is boring!”

“I have nothing to read!”

“Do I HAVE to read? My teacher said I don’t have to read every single night.”

“Can I have a drink?”

“Can we play a board game?”

“Want to watch me sing one more song?”

“Can I have a snack?”

“Can we have a sleepover?”

[Same questions, every night. One night, maybe I’ll just say Yes to everything, just to throw them off]

“Yes, you have to read. We have tons of books in the house, pick one. I don’t care if your teacher said you don’t have to read every night. No you can’t have a drink, or a snack, no we cannot play a board game, no you cannot sleep in the same room, and no I definitely do not want to hear you sing one more song. Please can we just go to bed, without yelling, without threatening, just… go to bed? Nicely? Please?”

8:36 p.m.

“Will you lay with me?”

“Hey, not fair! If you lay with her, who’s going to lay with me?”

“I asked first!”

“NOBODY IS LAYING WITH ANYBODY. JUST GO TO SLEEP. For the love of all things holy, if I hear one more complaint out of either of you, you will both go to bed at 6:00 tomorrow night.”

[Worthless threat #2. But they hate going to bed early, so sometimes this works. Sometimes.]

[Ahh, blissful. It’s only 8:43 and I’m already headed back downstairs! Awesome.]

8:47 p.m.

“Mommy……”

[WHY? Why? What in the world could they possibly need? It’s been 4 minutes since I left them!!!]

8:48 p.m.

“Why are you both back downstairs?”

“I can’t sleep” [Don’t care. Fake it.]

“I’m not tired” [Oh no? Well, guess who IS tired? ME! Go to bed]

“My finger hurts when I do this” (bends finger backwards) [Then stop !@@$#%#%* doing that]

“I’m scared” [What can you possibly be afraid of?]

“Remember that 15 1/2 second commercial I saw back in 2007 where the guy jumped out and made a loud noise? Well, I was thinking about THAT, and now I’m scared.” [Really?]

“GUYS, guys… listen, it’s late, we’ve all had a full day. Please just go to bed. Just, go up there, close your eyes, and just… be quiet. Okay? Can you do that? If you go back upstairs right now, you can have gum for breakfast.” [The later it gets, the worse my parenting gets]

Children stomp back upstairs.

9:02 p.m.

“Moooooom?”

“Okay, that’s it! Listen to me. I don’t want to hear either of your voices again unless someone is bleeding or puking – got it? Hello? The correct answer is ‘yes Mom, we got it’”

[Silence. Maybe they figured it out!]

9:27 p.m.

“Andrew, WHAT are you doing back downstairs?”

“I’m not tired. I’m almost 11. I don’t get tired anymore.”

“Andrew, go to bed.”

“But can’t I watch the Bruins game with you?”

“Please, please go to bed? Please?”

“Bruins.”

[Whatever. Stay up all night. I’m going to start ignoring you now.]

10:33 p.m.

Kim is passed out on the couch. Her loving husband wakes her gently and suggests she go to bed. She happily agrees and walks sleepily to the room they share, and climbs into bed.

11:30 p.m.

BUH BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! [What was that? Oh, thunder.]

Running can be heard coming from upstairs.

“Lia, what’s up honey?”

“I’m scared. The thunder woke me up.”

“Okay, I know, it was loud. Crawl back into bed. I’ll lie with you.” [Twin bed. Dog stuffed animal bigger than my 3 year old.]

2 hours later…

Wake up. “Uh! What time is it?” [Crap, I fell asleep up here. Plastic dog eye is digging into my neck. I’m going back to my own bed.]

1:30 a.m.

Walk into dark room. Pull back comforter. Mason. Sigh.

Whispers: “Move over buddy, Mommy needs room.” [Grumble. I love having to lift 35 pounds while I’m sleep walking]

5:30 a.m.

[Why won’t he stop moving? Just, STOP.MOVING. Maybe if I just keep my eyes closed I can ignore- OUCH. He kicked me in the stomach. That’s okay, I’m pretty sure I can stay asleep while he kicks me in the stomach. As long as he doesn’t start talking..]

6:03 a.m.

“Moooooommmmmmyyyyy! Mama! Mama! Want to watch TV with me? Mama! Mama! Look outside, it’s not raining! Mama Mama Maaamaaa! Mommy! Mama!”

The End

Epilogue

Jamie: “How’d you sleep last night, babe?”
Me: “Ya know, it wasn’t too bad, I feel pretty good….”

[Wasn’t too bad? Oh, right. Because it WASN’T too bad. Nobody puked. Or got a bloody nose. Or peed the bed. Or had a night terror. Or or or….]

If you need me, I’ll be over here, sleeping on my keyboard.

The Power of Influence

The dictionary defines influence as: the act or power of producing an effect. But what does that actually mean? If I asked you: who has been a major influence in your life? What’s the first name that pops into your head? Is it a parent? A grandparent or sibling? A poet or philosopher? A teacher or an athlete?

We can all point to people in our lives who have influenced us and helped shape the person we are today. And whether we know it or not, each of us has influenced someone, somewhere, and helped shape the person they are today.

On April 2, 2013, I attended the Simmons Women’s Leadership Conference in Boston. The conference took place at the Boston World Trade Center and featured many successful, powerful, and influential women – including Viola Davis, Award-Winning Actress (The Help); Sallie Krawcheck, Wall Street Executive; and Judy Smith, Crisis Management Expert and inspiration for the TV show, Scandal -- sharing their stories with more than 3,000 attendees.

We heard a lot of great stories that day about how these women became successful in their careers, in their families, and in their lives. In addition to their success stories, many of the speakers were also brave enough to share with us some of their failures, times when they stumbled, made mistakes, and had to pick themselves back up and move on.

As you would expect from a women’s leadership conference, all of these women were very well-spoken, intelligent, and inspirational. The thing that struck me the most, though, was how nearly every single one of them answered this question:

“How did you become so confident? How did you come to believe that you could accomplish anything?”

The almost unanimous first response to those questions started with: “When I was a child, my parents influenced me …”

If you’re a parent reading this, think about that. Think about it every day of your children’s lives. You have the power to influence your children’s self-esteem, the way he or she views his or her self-worth. Did you know you had that much power? That’s the power of influence.

After talking about childhood, and the power of their parents’ positive influence over them, the speakers then named additional people throughout their lives that influenced them in a positive way. Some of them mentioned teachers or professors. Some gave credit to former managers or colleagues they had worked for and with. Others cited mentors and sponsors that took a much more active role in their lives.

Regardless of who was listed as a person of influence, each and every speaker had at least one person, most had more than one, that they could point to and say Yes, this person made a difference in my life; Yes, this person helped make me the person I am today; Yes, I had help, I didn’t do this on my own. That’s the power of influence.

The day after the conference, I reflected back on the stories that were shared, the advice that was given, the general camaraderie felt by everyone who attended, and I realized something: in every keynote, throughout every breakout session, even during lunch, the one thing theme that kept coming back around, taking its place in nearly every discussion, was the ubiquitous power a positive influence can have one someone’s life.

Sallie Krawcheck, a Wall Street executive, was asked what advice she would give the women in the room on how to help other women achieve what they want in life. She paused for a brief moment and responded with: “If you can influence other women, if you are in a position of influence, USE IT.”

And that is exactly what I intend to do. Who will you influence today?