Cheese Neurosis

I remembered to park near the left-most door when I pulled into the parking lot of Stop and Shop. Those are the only doors open after 8:00.

Bread, cheese, milk. Bread, cheese, milk. Gotta be quick so I don't miss the finale of Modern Family.

They were out of Arnolds 100% whole wheat bread so I had to get another brand. I grabbed two loaves and headed towards the deli.

"Can I help you?"
"Yeah, can I get a pound of Land O Lakes cheese?"
"Sure, just a minute."

Don't criss-cross the cheese, don't criss-cross the cheese, don't cr-

"Um, excuse me? I'm sorry, but can you please not criss-cross the cheese? See, all the corners break off when the cheese is criss-crossed and-"

"No problem."

"Er, thanks."

Why do they DO that? I can't be the first person to ever notice that the cheese falls apart when it's criss-crossed. Maybe I'm just the first person to mention it? Oh God, should I have kept my mouth shut? Am I complaining? Am I "that" lady? Shit. Why do I do that? Or maybe I should be asking, why doesn't anyone else do it? Am I the only person in this town that gets bothered by my cheese breaking into little pieces every time I open the package?

"Thank you so much, have a great night!"

I bee-line it to the registers. No line - sweet! For about the millionth time since I moved here, I find myself wondering how in the hell this store remains open. There are never any lines and they only ever have 2 or 3 registers open. The store is almost always empty of customers, even on weekends before a snow storm. How do they do it? How is the store even profitable? Or maybe it's a front for an illegal business. Maybe there are guys out back right now pushing aside the palates of Nabisco products so they can access illegal drugs that were delivered this morning. Maybe it's cocaine! Maybe Stop and Shop is really a euphemism for Stop and Snort. and-

"That's going to be $13.68."

$13.68 for two loaves of bread and a pound of cheese! What the hell? OH crap, I forgot the milk. But Modern Family comes on in 15 minutes, there's no time, there's no time! Man, look at these kids working the registers. I'm old enough to be their mother!

"Thanks, have a nice night!"

Did I already say that? I hate when I repeat myself, I sound like my mother. I hope the kids are all asleep when I get home.