We got Mason dressed in his teeny, tiny hospital johnny and walked him around the pre-op area to keep him distracted. He hadn't eaten in about 12 hours but he was allowed his binky, thank goodness. At about 7:30 a.m., the surgical team came in scrubbed and ready, and the nurse held out her hands, waiting for me to hand her Mason.
I did, it wasn't dramatic on the outside but I was plotting plans of escape on the inside. If I grabbed him and ran, would it do more harm than good? Sigh.. yes.
So I did what I had been mentally preparing myself to do for weeks: I handed my 4 month old baby to a nurse and watched her and the team walk away into the operating room. They escorted Jamie and I to the waiting area and I cried the whole way there.
In the waiting area, the nurses told us they would come out every 90 minutes and give us an update on how Mason was doing. Thank God because even if they weren't, I was going to ask anyway. Jamie and I spent the next few hours talking, playing cards, eating lunch. I was aware of every minute that passed.
About halfway through the surgery, the pastor of our church, Pastor John Zachery, came to visit with us and to pray for Mason. He asked beforehand if it would be alright and I told him it absolutely would be. He stayed with us for 3 hours, talking about our families, talking about golf. Jamie got so into one of his golf stories that he dropped the F-bomb - in front of Pastor John! Jamie was horrified and Pastor John LAUGHED. He said his goal in visiting us was to help us pass the time and to try and relax. He said Jamie's slippage of the F-bomb was good because it meant Jamie was feeling relaxed - mission accomplished!
Pastor John stayed with us until the surgery was over and waited for the surgeon to come out and tell us everything was okay. I thought about that after the fact, what it meant, that he waited. I didn't love that particular revelation, but I was grateful all the same.
Dr. Mulliken, the amazing and wonderful surgeon and artist, came out after a little over 5 hours and gave us the news on Mason. He was pleased, extremely pleased. He is one of the best cleft surgeons in the world. People come from all over the world to have Dr. Mulliken perform their children's craniofacial surgeries. He takes amazing pride in his work and I could tell he was proud of how things turned out. He gave us all the technical details of the stitching and how he brought the lip together and re-formed the nose. That is when I realized Oh! my baby had a nose job! I always knew fixing the nose was part of the process but it never really occurred to me in those terms before.
He told us Mason had over 100 stitches! He gave us a quick run-down of how we were supposed to clean the lip every day and apply the steri strip and about how long the Logan's Bow would have to stay on. I admit I was half listening because all I wanted was to see and hold my baby boy. And I knew Nurse Dottie (also amazing) would review it with us again before we left.
Finally, he started walking towards the post-op area - we were going to see our son's new face. We were so nervous, was he awake? Was he in a lot of pain? Is he looking for us? Does he still look like Mason?
We walked into the post-op area, turned the corner and there was Mason: all swaddled, hooked up to all kinds of wires, the Logan's Bow across his face, the breathing tube pointed towards him - different, but still Mason. I was relieved, he looked beautiful! I just stared at him, amazed and stunned at the transformation. But he was whimpering. His eyes were closed, but he was whimpering the saddest sound I've ever heard. Every part of me reacted to that sound and I had to hold him.
They allowed me to hold him and they helped get him into my arms, maneuvering all the equipment so none of the wires fell out. He was still whimpering but I started talking to him. I started singing to him and kissed his forehead. And I just stared at his face.
Since I found out about his cleft at my 18 week ultrasound, I had anticipated and wondered about this moment. And now it was here. One obstacle overcome.
